I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but last month was a difficult and unusually stressful one for me. The middle of September, I found myself the lowest weight I had been in 10 years and paused to savor the feeling. I took time to note my success and discovered I, once again, liked the way I looked. Please remember I am only half way to my goal weight, but I had achieved all the goals I had originally set out to accomplish. I can now cross my legs, I can buy my clothes (at least the pants) in the normal size woman's store, I can walk a three minute mile without having to stop and catch my breath, I can fit into almost every piece of clothing I had been storing for the last 10 years (and much of it is still in fashion, well, maybe). What's more, my sister loaned me a large assortment of pants and I donated all my XXX Fat clothes to a local shelter. I am 40 pounds lighter and happy with me.
Except, once I made note of these, not so small, accomplishments, the diet wasn't as important to me and I faltered. For four weeks I struggled to loose 5 pounds. Then on, Sunday, October 10, 2009, my father became seriously ill and 3 days later, passed away. His funeral was the following Saturday. During that week there was 'no plan', 'no Medifast', 'no diet'. All my energy was focused on my dad and my family, and especially my daughter who took her Papaw’s death very hard. I missed my weight-in and by the next week I had gained 6 pounds. The last week of October was spent in Austin for a State Housing Conference and despite my desired to return to my weight loss, I lacked the discipline to do so. Then came Halloween and a house full of candy thanks to my daughter's trip to the grocery store and my grandson's trick-or-treating adventures. By Monday's weigh-in, I had lost 2.5 of the pounds gained the week Dad left us. But Monday's are my worst days and even though I knew I had no business doing it, I found myself dipping into my grandson's candy, just like when my kid's were little. The next couple of days I resolved to regain my control and began tracking everything I ate more strictly including calorie, fat, carb and protein amounts. Friday I allowed myself one piece of candy if I tracked the numbers and by the end of the day the 1 piece had turned into three then five before I again took control and stopped. The rest of the week was spent battling self discipline, concentrating on not lying to myself about what I was actually consuming and making sure I stuck to some sort of exercise every day.
This week I only lost one pound, but I did loose one pound. So I am headed in the right direction to get back on track. I wish my counselor had been as positive about my progress. You see I've been going to this same Medifast location for 21 weeks. I had been talking to the same two ladies who had been nothing less than encouraging no matter what my progress had been. When progress was slow I would talk about what plans I had made to get back on track and what was going on in my life and they had been kind, understanding and supportive. Mostly they had remained 'non-judgmental'. I can't speak for anyone else but this is extremely important to me.
But there is a new manager in town at my Medifast location and she sees things more by the book, I guess. Whatever the reason, I find it difficult to appreciate her methods. First, she went into the counseling room without having looked at my file, so of course she had no idea what I had been accomplishing to date. When she saw that I was struggling, instead of listening to me and moving forward from there, she feel back on protocol and began asking me questions that had long ago been discussed and resolved with Jamie and Janie. And when I mentioned that part of my problem revolved around dealing with the death of my father, she failed to acknowledge me but began questioning the support of my family. This was followed by whether or not I had gone through their little training notebook full of helpful tips for loosing weight. And despite telling her I had already gone through the notebook she decided I should bring it with me when I come next week. I agreed, got my food and checked out. I thought to myself, "I'll show her, I won't show up next week or ever!!! I'll just finish out the next 9 weeks on-line. I don't need her platitudes and condescending comments." This is why I hate going to weight loss clinics. So many counselors think they have all the answers, that loosing weight is some kind of magic trick. All you have to do is stay on track and follow their little rules to win. This is exactly what is wrong with the world today.
Dieting is not easy. It never has been and never will be. There are no hard and fast rules. That's why there are a million different ways to do it. Here are the only real truths in weight-loss: (1) Unless you are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to change your weight and keep it off, you won't; (2) You must determine, this is so important I'm going to repeat that, "You Must Determine" that you are going to do what it takes to achieve this goal; (3) It is up to you and you alone! People do not shove food down your throat. Take my three year old grandson, he will balk and scream when you try to make him eat something he doesn't want to. This is your own decision, it can come from no one else and I am not talking about 'will-power' I am referring to something much more powerful and that is plain ol' SELF-DISCIPLINE'.
That's right, "SELF-DISCIPLINE'. You know that thing that keeps you from doing the wrong thing. Surely you realize that when you break the law and you get caught, you pay the consequences. Well, when you overeat you get caught every time. That number on the scales doesn't lie and just because you don't show up for 'court' and check the numbers doesn't mean you won't find your self 'locked behind bars' of fat and condemnation. You are still guilty and you will be punished for your 'crime'. But I have only to look in the mirror to see my prison and I don't need diet counselors to point it out to me. If I needed help understanding why I had limited weight loss I would ask. When I know the answers don't change the subject. Don't treat me like I'm stupid and just don't get it. I get it, You don't get me!
For me there is no better evaluation than Self-Evaluation and I'm experienced enough to have a pretty good idea what the problem is. It's not that I don't know what to do, but that I don't want to do it and your judgments will only make me mad and rebellious. Don't think just because you've been through the training you know how to help people struggling to loose weight. Unless you've been there, you can't know what it is like! Prove to me you really know what I am going through first. Gain my confidence. Show your credibility. Then maybe I'll listen to what you have to say! You really should learn how to treat fat people better!
I'll loose the weight, but I'll loose it because I choose to. God bless you in discovering the secrets to acheiving your weightloss goals.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
All About Starting Over
Ok, I'm not really "Starting Over" exactly. You might say, I didn't completely fall off the wagon, but I sure have been dragging my feet a bit. Don't think this a good thing. Remember when you go completely off, you loose sight of your goal, you get a little hurt, and you stop progressing. In other words, you will most likely find yourself sitting on your rear doing nothing and getting nowhere. On the other hand, when you drag your feet, you may still be making progress and still have your goals in site, but its more painful to drag your feet for several miles than to just get off completely. I do have to admit that it is still easier to pull your feet back on the wagon than to jump back on board from a stationary position. In any case, you have to do what ever it takes to hang on.
For me, I had a couple of rough weeks personally, not diet related. I kept telling Jamie I was getting back on board, but each week I went in I just wasn't progressing and, well, I'm sure she was aware I wasn't doing all I could do. This all started at the beginning of a plateau. You know, that point where you're following the plan, but little or nothing is happening. Everyone tells you what a great job you're doing and you know it is true, but you just don't see the fruit of you labor and you wonder if it is really worth it. And everyone says, "Just hang in there. If you stay focused it will happen, but just remember, it will happen." My idea was to draft a new plan when the plateau came, like adding exercise to the mix. I kept telling Jamie, "I know I'm not exercising regularly, but I'm waiting for that plateau to get something going and really jump start this whole thing all over again." I think I almost had her fooled, or I at least I had myself fooled. The problem was that no matter what I planned to do, I just couldn't seem to pull it off. It seems everything comes down to timing.
Just as I was beginning to recognize the plateau, I went on a business trip with my husband. The medifast plan worked great in the hotel. I was even able to work that daily exercise in just as I had planned. But upon returning home, life hit me square in the face and I was struggling to work my plan or anything. The next week my grandson came to visit and I couldn't just up and leave for the gym. Then there was the house clean up that always comes when the baby goes home to Mom. And while it was tough, I was still close to the original Medifast diet plan of 5 Medifast meals a day and one lean and green. but without a real exercise plan, progress became almost nonexistant. It was obvious to me, when I exercised, even when it wasn't regular, I lost wieght. When i didn't, I didn't. So, I decided I was turning over a new leaf. I purposed to rise at 6 am and walk my block that morning and every morning following until it became not just a new habit but a new way of life, an all out lifestyle change. The Sunday afternoon before the execution of my plan, my sister-in-law called and less than an hour later I was standing with my sister-in-law, my brother, my husband, my step-mom and her brother waiting to hear what was wrong with my dad. The following Wednesday, the day after my father's 82nd birthday, I had the priviledge of standing prayerful by his hospital bedside as Jesus came to take him home. Many years of battleing diabetes had finally taken its toll. Now, he'll never be tired again.
Diet? Plan? What diet? What plan? None of that mattered during the time waiting and praying for my father, nor should it matter. Ok for one, maybe two full weeks I hopped off the wagon to concentrate on my father and my family. I needed it and Janie and Jamie understood. Thank you, Lord, for ladies with such understanding. Unfortunately I gained 6 pounds, ouch! It's funny how quickly we can revert to old habits, especially when others, like your family, are unaware encourageing you along. They don't mean to, but just doing what comes naturally for them is often the very things you work so hard to remove from your life and it is easier to go along to trying to explain it over and over again.
But that was last week and this is this week and while I spent a great deal of time thinking about giving up. I didn't. I've managed to get back on the wagon and begin a new. Maybe not as pumped as i was my first couple of weeks, or really months, but energized anyway. I've begun to loose the weight I gained and I've actually spent time at the gym and on walks around the neighborhood. the future looks good and I'm looking forward to next week's weight in. I'm 42 pounds down and trying to not think about the fact, I still have about 45 pounds to go. Oh, well. that's just a matter of time!
I have to remember, not to give up on my dreams of being skinny...er. And if you fall off the wagon, work hard and hop back on. If your dragging your feet, "Pick them up, you're going to get hurt!"
God bless you in your weight loss success!
For me, I had a couple of rough weeks personally, not diet related. I kept telling Jamie I was getting back on board, but each week I went in I just wasn't progressing and, well, I'm sure she was aware I wasn't doing all I could do. This all started at the beginning of a plateau. You know, that point where you're following the plan, but little or nothing is happening. Everyone tells you what a great job you're doing and you know it is true, but you just don't see the fruit of you labor and you wonder if it is really worth it. And everyone says, "Just hang in there. If you stay focused it will happen, but just remember, it will happen." My idea was to draft a new plan when the plateau came, like adding exercise to the mix. I kept telling Jamie, "I know I'm not exercising regularly, but I'm waiting for that plateau to get something going and really jump start this whole thing all over again." I think I almost had her fooled, or I at least I had myself fooled. The problem was that no matter what I planned to do, I just couldn't seem to pull it off. It seems everything comes down to timing.
Just as I was beginning to recognize the plateau, I went on a business trip with my husband. The medifast plan worked great in the hotel. I was even able to work that daily exercise in just as I had planned. But upon returning home, life hit me square in the face and I was struggling to work my plan or anything. The next week my grandson came to visit and I couldn't just up and leave for the gym. Then there was the house clean up that always comes when the baby goes home to Mom. And while it was tough, I was still close to the original Medifast diet plan of 5 Medifast meals a day and one lean and green. but without a real exercise plan, progress became almost nonexistant. It was obvious to me, when I exercised, even when it wasn't regular, I lost wieght. When i didn't, I didn't. So, I decided I was turning over a new leaf. I purposed to rise at 6 am and walk my block that morning and every morning following until it became not just a new habit but a new way of life, an all out lifestyle change. The Sunday afternoon before the execution of my plan, my sister-in-law called and less than an hour later I was standing with my sister-in-law, my brother, my husband, my step-mom and her brother waiting to hear what was wrong with my dad. The following Wednesday, the day after my father's 82nd birthday, I had the priviledge of standing prayerful by his hospital bedside as Jesus came to take him home. Many years of battleing diabetes had finally taken its toll. Now, he'll never be tired again.
Diet? Plan? What diet? What plan? None of that mattered during the time waiting and praying for my father, nor should it matter. Ok for one, maybe two full weeks I hopped off the wagon to concentrate on my father and my family. I needed it and Janie and Jamie understood. Thank you, Lord, for ladies with such understanding. Unfortunately I gained 6 pounds, ouch! It's funny how quickly we can revert to old habits, especially when others, like your family, are unaware encourageing you along. They don't mean to, but just doing what comes naturally for them is often the very things you work so hard to remove from your life and it is easier to go along to trying to explain it over and over again.
But that was last week and this is this week and while I spent a great deal of time thinking about giving up. I didn't. I've managed to get back on the wagon and begin a new. Maybe not as pumped as i was my first couple of weeks, or really months, but energized anyway. I've begun to loose the weight I gained and I've actually spent time at the gym and on walks around the neighborhood. the future looks good and I'm looking forward to next week's weight in. I'm 42 pounds down and trying to not think about the fact, I still have about 45 pounds to go. Oh, well. that's just a matter of time!
I have to remember, not to give up on my dreams of being skinny...er. And if you fall off the wagon, work hard and hop back on. If your dragging your feet, "Pick them up, you're going to get hurt!"
God bless you in your weight loss success!
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